Upcoming Freshman Probs

Next year I'll be in college and for most kids that's like the jack pot. You get to leave your parents, become independent, meet new people, and enjoy life. College is a time for fun and hazy decisions. But while most are worried about if there's going to be a cute guy down the hall from their room, or which microwave to get. I have a whole different set of problems to worry about.

I have really high anxiety around people I'm not familiar with, and places I'm not comfortable at. And sometimes it poses a problem. I don't take any medication, because I'm trying to work through it myself. Although it does keep me from doing things like go to the movies or taking my driving test, or even getting a job.

I have made the courageous decision to live on campus even though the option to stay at home was on the table. I know what your thinking, Why would you want to stay at home when you could live on your own? But for me my house is a safety net, its a comfort zone. I know that living on campus is going to spike my anxiety, and make college more expensive. But like I said before my anxiety is something I'm trying to work through, so I have to make adjustments that take me out of my comfort zone. I'm going to be surrounded by people I don't know, and I'd like to be able to make friends and be normal. But I hardly have friends now, and I've been going to the same school for 6 years.

I'm the awkward kid, the one that sits in the corner with her headphones blasting. I'm not saying I don't have any friends, because I do. And to the people I'm comfortable around I'm talkative, and fun. But if I'm not comfortable then I'm quite and awkward which if you haven't noticed is really hard to get to know. How do you become close with someone who doesn't talk? I don't have many expectations for next year. I know that if I don't put myself out there, then I can't really expect anything from someone.

My mom tells me all the time that I need to get out there. So, I'm going to make a big effort to get over my anxiety before college even starts. This summer I'm going to get my license and a job and hopefully have a life. I'm done with being the awkward girl. I don't tell many people I have anxiety issues because most people think I'm just using it as an excuse or a sympathy thing. But I'm not, it's an actual problem I face. One I really want to work through. I want to crack out of this shell and live a little.

Being replaced by a guy, hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

So, this is my CURRENT situation. My best friend and wife divorced me on facebook to be in a relationship with this asshole, which is twenty three. Did I mention she's only seventeen? No, well I didn't think so. Anyway, in the begining he was all like I want you guys to like me. You guys as in me and my sister. Then her and him had a falling out. Where he dumped her for the stupidet reason, and all I heard for DAYS was her complaining about how much of an ass he was acting. But, of course she went back to him. I blocked him on facebook and he got all upset, started yelling saying she made me. I texted him and was like she didnt make me do shit, you did. Then I told him to hold me acountable for my actions, and to not take them out on her. He ended up breaking up with her for that. I guess she wasnt mad at me. They got back together like max a day later. Since then I've seen her once, in a month. So, much for best friends. She chooses him over me ALL the time. She'll make plans, then bale last minute with some dumb excuse. The one day I did hangout with her she was being a total bitch, for no reason. I brushed it off my shoulder and hungout with her anyway. Cause I love her, and thats what you do when you have a best friend. But, she hasn't been acting much like a best friend lately. School starts in like a day, and I don't know what it's going to be like. If she's going to want to hangout with me, cause her boyfriend obviously doesn't go to high school, he's twenty three for god sake! Well, that it. I'd ask for help, but no one reads thesee...*Wrote this at the end of August 2012*

#DTR

DTR, otherwise known as Define the Relationship. It's that awkward moment when you have to face the guy you like and boldly ask him what's going on? Are we friends?....more then friends? Are we JUST friends with benefits? Do you like me? Could you see yourself with me? Are you ready to commit? The question's you begin to wonder, but are so terrified to ask. There come's a time in every relationship, where you have to DTR. Because if you don't, how are you going to know if he want's to be with you? He could want the same thing you do, whether thats just a friendship, or something more. You'd never know...because you were to afraid to DTR. So, ladies just do it. Go up to him, and be brave. Text him, call him, or for some of us who are a little more timid Facebook him. It may seem pathetic, but at least your communicating, and getting your feelings out. We can't always rely on the guy to make the first move, because in all honesty 78% of the time guy's aren't the one's to make the first move. Girl's are. There are those rare boy's who don't care, and will come up to you being 100% themselves. Those guys who aren't afraid to kiss you first. But Those guys don't come along all that often. Boy's are just as nervous, and scared as girl's are. They may not seem it, but they are. So, as much as I'd like to expect boy's to ALWAYS make the first move ...it's not fair to expect something from them that you don't expect from yourself.

Prom 2012.

After all that stress, a dream was fulfilled. Four girl's walked into their junior prom with most of their expectations not met. But with one exceeded. It turn's out prom's not about the nail's, the hair, the perfect dress, & heel's to match, or the date. Although all these thing's do help. What really make's prom a night to remember is the memories given to you by your true friends. Memories of dancing like you've never danced before, and screaming the lyric's to your favorite song...even when you get them wrong the moment's always right. Those little thing's will stay with you forever. If you think about it, in twenty years it wont matter if someone had the same dress as you, so why worry about it now?  After a night like last night, I can honestly tell you that prom isn't worth all the stress, because all you remember is the fun of it all.(:

That guy.

You know that guy that makes your heart race, and your tummy fill with butterflies. Most girls have one, and I'm no exception. For me that guy is Smart, Funny, a bit Childish, somewhat Serious, very Sociable, and rarely Angry. All qualities I find attractive, to add to this he was born in Switzerland, and speaks Swiss German. Making him even better, to me atleast. Plus, he's tan, tall, cute, and has the most adorable brown curls. The reason he's that guy isn't because I'm the girl he would never talk to, but because I'm the girl who dumped him. The girl who wants him back, but wont be taken. That guy has moved on, to that girl. The girl you secretly hate, for no reason besides the fact that she's dating the guy you like. So, what do you do? Do you wait for that guy? Or find another?
 

That's Life(:

^^^So, this is my amazing wife. She's great right?

 

Sometimes in life you need to cut loose and just go with it. Cause once you do things will fall into place. If you put yourself in a bad situation, it tends to be hard to get out of. So, enjoy life. Be yourself, not someone you think you should be. If people don't like you, for you then they don't matter all that much. Life can be fun, if you let it be. So, take from my example and just live your life. It's yours, and no one else's. Might as well live it the way you want to. (: I guess if your a negative Nancy, its your own doing. But wouldn't you rather be a positive Pablo? C'mon even the names funner! I don't know about you, but I'm living my life as it is, and at this point in times life's pretty damn greeeatt! How could it not be? I have my amazing friends, and some awesomee weather to look forward to. So I don't have him, that's one thing out of a million. I think I can deal.(: