Upcoming Freshman Probs

Next year I'll be in college and for most kids that's like the jack pot. You get to leave your parents, become independent, meet new people, and enjoy life. College is a time for fun and hazy decisions. But while most are worried about if there's going to be a cute guy down the hall from their room, or which microwave to get. I have a whole different set of problems to worry about.

I have really high anxiety around people I'm not familiar with, and places I'm not comfortable at. And sometimes it poses a problem. I don't take any medication, because I'm trying to work through it myself. Although it does keep me from doing things like go to the movies or taking my driving test, or even getting a job.

I have made the courageous decision to live on campus even though the option to stay at home was on the table. I know what your thinking, Why would you want to stay at home when you could live on your own? But for me my house is a safety net, its a comfort zone. I know that living on campus is going to spike my anxiety, and make college more expensive. But like I said before my anxiety is something I'm trying to work through, so I have to make adjustments that take me out of my comfort zone. I'm going to be surrounded by people I don't know, and I'd like to be able to make friends and be normal. But I hardly have friends now, and I've been going to the same school for 6 years.

I'm the awkward kid, the one that sits in the corner with her headphones blasting. I'm not saying I don't have any friends, because I do. And to the people I'm comfortable around I'm talkative, and fun. But if I'm not comfortable then I'm quite and awkward which if you haven't noticed is really hard to get to know. How do you become close with someone who doesn't talk? I don't have many expectations for next year. I know that if I don't put myself out there, then I can't really expect anything from someone.

My mom tells me all the time that I need to get out there. So, I'm going to make a big effort to get over my anxiety before college even starts. This summer I'm going to get my license and a job and hopefully have a life. I'm done with being the awkward girl. I don't tell many people I have anxiety issues because most people think I'm just using it as an excuse or a sympathy thing. But I'm not, it's an actual problem I face. One I really want to work through. I want to crack out of this shell and live a little.