Saturday, August 10, 2013

...Sunday, then Monday, and now Tuesday

To be honest I'm just like WTF? That's whats running through my mind right now. What the fuck?! You've been gone for like two weeks now, yeah you came back briefly but that's just the problem it was brief. You were here one day and gone the next. You say you miss me. But when your on the phone you leave to go paint and fish and watch a movie. I feel like if you really missed me as much as you say you miss me, that you wouldn't leave to do other things so often. I mean your doing things, while I'm stuck here in Lamoille County doing what? Nothing! Because there is absolutely nothing to do here. And the worst part is you keep tacking on days. First your coming back Sunday, then Monday, and now Tuesday. You keep getting my hopes up. I should be seeing you tomorrow, but instead I get to wait another two days. Seriously, I think I've had to much time to think and it's causing me to go a little nuts. I just don't get it. You say all this nice stuff, but your not HERE. Which is where I need you. I need and want you here, or somewhere remotely close to "here". There are what like 19 days till school starts. And then how often will we see each other..once? Twice a week? I guess it's good that I get used to it now, its just I don't want to. I know that's selfish of me, but you've been gone for so long. I don't know how people do it, live without the one they love for so damn long! Props to you guys...



The "Fear"

Every bodies got that one irrational fear. The fear you know you shouldn't have, but can't seem to shake. Well, rather then talk about my own...I'm going to talk about his. Last night, while talking on the phone he surprises me with the craziest thing. His "fear". I know what your all thinking, a fear is a fear and non can be irrational or pig headed. But everything can be looked at from more than one point of view. And this is mine. He thrusts upon me this theory. He's got it in his head that since I'm going to college I'm going to up and leave him for another guy. I get how thins could be a fear. But if you knew our relationship it may not seem like a very rational one. We are closer then two peas in a pod. I believe your put on this earth with a match, like a puzzle piece.Someone who is perfect for you, because you're a pair. You just have to find your other half. For some people it may take years and for others its a simple as snapping your fingers. And in all honesty I truly believe I've found him, my perfect match. But he still has this fear, and I can't understand why. He thinks I'm going to meet someone who I will like more than I like him. Which is impossible. You can't like someone more than the love of your life. I've tried explaining to him that I've already met that person. The person who I will like (love) more than anyone in the world. Well, besides my family. But that's a different kind of love. The love I have for him is a love I never expected to have. One I wouldn't throw away on a college guy.A love I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. To be honest, college kids scare the living shit out of me. I know it's crazy, considering in less than 20 day's I'll be one. But still his theory is way off base. I get why people are afraid of spiders, and heights, and even the dark. But to be afraid of something that is all in your head, I just don't get it. Say what you want. But when you know, you know. And I may be young, but I know I've met the person I want to spend the rest of my life...my perfect match. So, I just wish he would stop obsessing.